A little note written in the steam clouding the mirror.
A cinnamon chai muffin brought home from your favorite bakery.
An extra-deep kiss on the way out the door.
A text from the office saying, “I’m thinking about you when…”
A sudden dance in the kitchen over a steaming pot of soup.
A flirtatious little whisper at the crowded bar.
These are small moments. They take only a few seconds. They aren’t grand gestures that require planning or delicate execution, but rather brief moments of tending to your love. Whether tender, encouraging, silly, or sexy, these gestures are vital. They fill the reservoir from which you draw strength and connection throughout your relationship — in good times and bad.
Of course, that reservoir feels nice all the time (I mean, who doesn’t love being loved, right?). But you know when it has a quiet, less obvious impact?
The moments you say “yes” to sex.
And I’m not talking about doing these little gestures as a way of initiating sex, but about creating an environment that’s connected enough, playful enough, and sensual enough that saying yes to intimacy feels easy.
Think of this as keeping your reservoir well-fed — the waters moving, not stagnant. When you arrive at a sexual moment, you’re arriving with a full reservoir to draw from. You don’t have to start from scratch to create the “right” circumstances or feelings for sex — you’ve already done it. You’ve already created an environment that welcomes a sexy initiation.
So, let’s imagine this in real life:
Tori and Kylie have lost touch with the small gestures. They hug maybe once or twice a week. Their sleep schedules rarely align, so there’s little opportunity for physical connection there. They’ve stopped checking in throughout the day. They’ve forgotten what it feels like to flirt. They love each other and get along well, but they’ve lost the art of showing their love and desire.
Kira and Trey, on the other hand, are the couple I described earlier. Kira writes little notes on the mirror for Trey, while he brings her home a pastry every week. They flirt — at bars, on the couch, even at family gatherings. They encourage each other and linger during hugs and kisses. Sure, they aren’t perfect and sometimes get busy, but they always come back to cultivating that energy in their relationship.
Now, which of these feels like a more inviting atmosphere for sex and sensuality?
The goal here isn’t to be like Kira and Trey. It’s to bring you back to your own sense of love, desire, and care for your partner. To remind you that it’s not about grand gestures or elaborate date nights — it’s about consistency, value, and intention in the small moments. It’s about filling your reservoir so you never run dry.
My challenge for you and your partner this week:
📝 Create your lists.
Each of you write down 10 small, quick ways to fill your relationship reservoir — things that take only a few seconds but feel meaningful, affectionate, or playful.
🤝 Share them.
Exchange lists with your partner so you both know what gestures land as loving and energizing.
💫 Put them into action.
Over the next week, act on these gestures intentionally and often. A long kiss. A sexy text. A shared laugh. Make them weave into your daily rhythm.
➕ Add as you go.
If you think of more ideas during the week, add them to your lists. Keep it fluid and evolving.
👀 Notice what shifts.
Pay attention to how it feels to both give and receive these moments. Does it spark more connection, playfulness, or desire?
🪞 Reflect together.
At the end of the week, take a few minutes to talk: How did it go? Do you want to continue? Are there other ways to keep your reservoir full? Why is this important to us?
This is a practice. If you’re out of touch with these small acts and their importance, no biggie. It happens to the best of us. You’re not stuck there; you can create the connection you crave and deserve. So often, when we feel disconnected, it’s not because someone’s done something terribly wrong, it’s because there’s been a slow atrophy of the practices that once kept us close.
It’s time to return to those small moments that have such a large impact.
I know you can do this. You and your partner, together.
With Care,
Andrea
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